A Sneak Peek Into the World of Alli and Anna

We like to think of ourselves as Eddy and Patsy from "Absolutely Fabulous." The ginger and the blonde.

So while we are anxiously awaiting Glee’s premiere, we wanted to share with you just a tiny sample of what we talk about during our many, many Facebook chats. Mind you, this has been going on for years and we never seem to run out of things to talk about. For this conversation, we were on the subject of v-cards which somehow turned to the topic of marriage. Just a warning: some of the following is sickeningly sweet. You can thank Alli for that.

Alli: I wish I would have lost mine to *Hands. Of course, then I would always wonder, I think. I’m the type who wonders. Hands doesn’t wonder.

Anna: At least you lost yours to a girl. I would always wonder, too. But you and I both know we won’t do any better than *Hands and *Punchie. But it’s hard not to wonder just a little bit.

Alli: I think I will always wonder. But I know not to mess this up over curiosity. I’m going to marry Hands. And make gay babies with her. And I know it’s right because the thought of it doesn’t scare me at all. Not even a little.

Anna: Well good for you! You know I have the fear, but it obviously comes from my failed marriage. I’m terrified of feeling trapped like I did with Mark. But I know what I have with Punchie is a completely different situation.

Alli: It is…but you have every right to be nervous. I can picture Hands and me ten years from now. Mid-thirties. We have a house and two or three kids and we come home exhausted at the end of the day and argue over who has to make supper or who has to give the kids a bath. We talk about how tired we are and what co-workers are giving us problems.

Anna: Now THAT’S a life. I love that.

Alli: And then we lay on separate couches and watch our shows…and after we put the kids to bed, we snuggle in with each other. It’s perfect. And it’s exactly how it’ll be.

Anna: That sounds beautiful. I love it. Okay, I gotta get going. Off work now. Gotta meet Sophie [singer friend].

Alli: Oooh for what? For what! You’re with her a lot now. Is she singing at your wedding? Can she sing at mine? Haha. A song about shoes, preferably. Lesbians in shoes. Damn it, answer me!

Anna: Dude, I’m sorry. I’ll be back on in a bit.

Alli: Okay, now we’re fighting. You owe me an explanation later. Peace out, home slice.

Anna: Gotta go. Don’t be mad. My boss was talking to me! Like over my shoulder!!

Alli: I’M YOUR BOSS! I’m the boss of you. Okay, go.

Anna: Kbye.


This conversation came AFTER the fact that Alli scared the shit out of me by texting me that she and Hands had broken up. I came so close to hopping a flight so I could smack some sense into both of them. Then, she revealed that they were messing with me (as they often do) and were laughing about it. The bastards. But I gasped so loud at the text, I woke up Punchie. She agrees that they are ass hats.

Another interesting tidbit about Alli and Anna: according to Facebook, there have been over 28,000 messages exchanged between us. This is over a span of 5 years, mind you, but considering that most of our messages in the beginning were from emails, I think it speaks volumes. We’re thinking that maybe it might be time for us to meet. We’re planning for a St. Patrick’s day meet-up in Chicago, but really…who knows? But we both agreed we would meet each other before each of us get married. Because how awkward would it be for our first meeting to be at one of our weddings? Weird, right?

So we’re planning on a double date weekend in Chicago with our girlfriends. Here’s hoping!

In reality, we're more like "Grumpy Old Men" with all our bickering.